A life led through a thousand lies.

i honestly don't get it. the world is just such a bad place. it seems that everywhere you look, bad things are happening. nowadays it's pretty much impossible to meet an actual GOOD person. how often do you hear of kind & genuine people? someone who actually gives a shit about other people. i just wish the world could un-blind themselves and see what's going on. i wish i could change the world. i wish i could just like...i don't know, slap everybody in the face and say TAKE A LOOK AROUND.

updating this has become like a chore, eh. alot of intense shit has happened in the past few days, but i can't write about most of it cause it's too personal.. and the stuff i can write about doesn't really matter. so here i am again, stuck with barely anything to say. i had nothing to do tonight, so i went bra shopping online. i can't wait until the day of silence, i really love doing shit like that, it just really makes me feel good. i love standing up for what i believe in, and having a strong opinion. i guess thats it for now, sorry i'm not exciting lately.




"We are caught in the time when the masks they all wear for comfort, are no longer comfortable. When love is painted in colors that make so much sense, and the only thing left to say is...

This is for the boys who love boys, for the girls who love girls. This is for the parent who loves their child regardless. This is for the brother, sister, teacher, friend who won't tolerate bigotry. This is for the person sitting next to you, for the voice lingering inside of you. This is to the death of the word 'faggot'. This is for the boys who love boys, the girls who love girls, the boys who love girls, and the girls who love boys...

This, for once, is for everybody."

yesterday was my dad's birthday, so i went to the cemetery after the doctor. i stayed there for a while, then my mom picked me up and i went home. my step-dad got kicked out of the house for something stupid again. i'm getting used to it though, so whatever. yesterday was normal, boring, and not as depressing at it might seem. today wasn't much different.


MY PROM DATE DITCHED ME FOR SOME TRAMP.




i like you, you like me.
so let's lock all the doors;
there's nothing outside we need to see.

i'm criticized in my house every day because of my weight, and its really starting to get to me. i know that i'm not perfect, but jesus christ.. is it that necessary for my family to say shit to me every day. i hate when people say shit to me just to hurt me, especially when it doesn't effect them in any way. today was my first day back to school, it was akward and unpleasant.. but some of it was alright. um, i've really been wanting something to happen, but i think i'm losing all hope. i guess i shouldn't have expected anything in the first place. i don't know.. today just wasn't the greatest start to this week. i hate complaining, so i'm gonna stop there i guess.

i was feeling better yesterday, so last night i went to diana's. we got drunk, but thats not suprising. zac is pretty chill, not gonna lie. i like him for her :] i met two of his friends, they were interesting.. hah, uhm i had a good time. tonight diana's coming over, just like every other saturday night. the past couple of days have been so confusing and weird. something happened that i never wouldve expected. like seriously, out of everything that could possibly happen.. why that? thats all i can say about it though.

monday is school, and i'm not looking foward to it. i've been having issues with some people there. i'm in the mood to go outside in a pretty green dress and skip around my town in the sun with the warm breeze blowing through my hair :] oh man ohhh man, i'm so odd. i miss eggo and tom hickling. i have the biggest headache in the universe, bye

<3

monday i went to a party and got too drunk.. i met a pretty girl and a bunch of really nice kids, probably embarrassed myself as usual, but i should be used to that by now :] i don't remember much of it. last night i went to another party, but it was a bunch of people that i would never talk to in my life because they were all wearing plaid shorts.. thank god the cops came, i really wanted to get out of there.. but me, tom, veronica, and annmarie just ended up standing on the side of a road for like an hour in the cold. tonight i was supposed to do something for one of my bestfriends, but now i'm really sick and i sound like i'm dying. i hope i don't have dance tomorrow.

if only i had a few more arms, and hands, and an extra brain. what if we were made like living lego's with all kinds of pieces that could snap in and out whenever we wanted. burned up your liver with booze? no problem. take it out and put in a new one. clogged your lungs with smoke, your arteries with fat, or have the ultimate broken heart? easy, just replace them.

oh yeah, and i realized that basically the only time i write in this shit is when i'm in a terrible mood.. it makes me look pretty depressed if you ask me.. and sometimes like i'm on crack. but no one reads this anyway, so whatev. i'm a happy person. the other day i danced around my house in my underwear to the most shitty the click five &relient k songs.. i don't even know why, i was just the happiest girl alive for about 20 minutes. i really felt alive.. as homosexual as that sounds :]

apparently it rained today, i wouldn't know.
i guess i'm just good at being a vampire hermit.

<3

let's just be trees for 10 minutes.

the obvious downside to life as a tree would be the total lack of travel opportunities. you'd have to surrender yourself to staying in the same spot your whole life. but.. maybe your roots' explorations of the depths of soil, rock, groundwater, and the life of other roots... and your branches' and leaves' journeys with the wind, rain, squirrels, birds and whatnot... would just be enough.

crack? nope.

today started out alright, then got better, then got really shitty, then got kinda shitty, then was good. fucking rollercoaster of moods.. uhm, i wanna fwib matt geus so bad.

i didn't do anything amazing last night, my brother came home.. so i was just chillen with him. tonight was gina's sweetsixteen, it was good & she looked so pretty. i basically just hungout with tom the whole time because we're party poopers. i didn't get drunk this weekend, thats suprising. i have nothing of importance to say.. so i might just ramble on about something stupid. here goes..

i had a dream like this last night, and it was pretty fucking crazy. what if our atmosphere was not gas but liquid? imagine gliding near high branches and moving freely. just moving your arms and legs and repositioning your body would move you along and allow you to explore so many things currently beyond human reach. there would be issues with breathing, but let's just assume we'd work that out. and everything would be soft and wavy and kind of dreamy... and best of all, we could sit high in treetops and stay there, swaying with them, leaving everything else behind.

okay well, that was a big waste of time.
bye